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Works-In-Progress Help for any authors or musicians seeking constructive criticism.

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Old 02-07-2008
 
#1
United States aliasalian122
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Default I wrote a poem

We had to do this for GP literature. The goal was to set a mood with poetry. I really dont want to present this and i want to know if its as bad as i think.

The rustic metal corridors.
Dark and blackened.
Treaded by the will
to survive

Corroded machinery
Covered in rust and
caked in dry blood.
The grinding gears
and endless screeches.

Murky water, busted pipes,
steam leaked, and dripping ceilings.

Broken glass shows
faceless monsters.

Suspended cages swing from chains
Their contents, spoiled meat,
What was their name
before they went rotten ?

The conundrum
To fall to your knees and blind yourself.
Just let it consume you.
No, Run. Pursue the hopeless
desire to breathe.
They love the chase, the screams.

Care not to see freindly faces nor welcoming places.
Just something less horrifying than this.

 

Last edited by aliasalian122; 02-08-2008 at 04:22 PM.
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Old 02-07-2008
 
#2
United States Alexander
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Default

I didn't think it was bad. The content is a little strange though. What will your class think?
 
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Old 02-09-2008
 
#3
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Well, it definitely sets a mood, there's no question about that. I dont want to wake up in that place, but its really good, I like it.
 
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