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Old 11-14-2008
 
#1
Canada Ace
Music is my Catharsis
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,405
 Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!
Default help me out BF

well BF, i come to you for advice. my younger brother is turning 17 in a few weeks, but his whole life he's never acted his age. as far as his development is concerned, psychologists have told my family that he's about 3-4 years behind (he was held back a year; he did senior kindergarten twice).

We've never really gotten along that well because of this, and he has this flagrant disregard for everything and everyone. For example, my xbox is set up in my room, and lately he's been seriously abusing the privilege (my dad grounds him from it, he still plays it, he claims that it's his xbox and it's his right to play it, etc)

he wears my clothes all the time without asking me, he basically just spends his time ruining my shit. the only time we've ever really been "brothers" to each other is the one time i smoked a joint with him, when i saw his real personality--he's a lot like me in many different ways. But again, he's a ****ing shit disturber and i can't take anymore of his bullshit. I've tried to ignore him and his antics, but it doesn't work. He's just too much of a little ****, and his morose attitude towards everything is a serious downer on the whole family.

So today he walks in my house (im looking after it for a week while my rents are on vacation) wearing one of my sweaters. I told him to take it off, and he refused. Something went off inside of me and the next thing i know, i have him on his back and im choking the shit out of him. I snapped on him, and i've done that before, but i've never felt that sort of rage before. I fear that in 10 years we'll be completely estranged from each other, and i really don't want that. My relationships with my sisters is just fine, and we all feel the same about him.

god bf, what should i do

tl;dr my brother is pushing me away from him with his actions and i want to fix our relationship
 
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Old 11-14-2008
 
#2
Canada Kaizen
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 Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...Kaizen must really think internet = serious business...
Default

You refuse to accept him as a person therefore he tries hard to show he doesn't care about your acceptance. You think he's an idiot with nothing to offer and is apparently psychologically immature as if he has some disorder. It doesn't particularly wreak of respect.

Who cares if he wears your shirt. Who cares if he uses your XBox. If the relationship matters to you, you will put it before yourself. I stole my bro's shit all the time and I couldn't stand him because he thought I was a reckless moron. We're good buddies now because he decided to accept his little bro for the guy he is.

It's quite simple really.
 
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"Liberty, or Freedome, signifieth (properly) the absence of opposition; (by Opposition, I mean externall Impediments of motion) and may be applied no lesse to Irrationall, and Inanimate creatures, that to Rationall.

And according to this proper, and generally received meaning of the word, a free man, is he, that in those things, which by his strength and wit he is able to do, is not hindered to doe what he has a will to."

- Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan.

So close... Yet so far.
 

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Old 11-14-2008
 
#3
Canada Ace
Music is my Catharsis
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,405
 Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!Ace could seriously be the president one day, maybe even a senator... so be afraid, be very afraid!
Default

I dont want to sound like im making excuses, but it's difficult to accept him for who he is because who he is is a shit disturbing, clinically immature person.

It's not about the clothes or the xbox. I usually don't care if he plays it, but he's been told over and over again to respect my things. You're a little brother, so maybe you can answer. Why steal the older brother's clothes? What does that accomplish? He's been told many times not to wear my clothes. I don't care that he's actually wearing the sweater, it's the fact that he knows everyone doesn't want him to, and he still does it. It's the principle of the thing, i really couldn't care less about the sweater itself.
 
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Old 11-14-2008
 
#4
United States The Hawaiian
Ua mau ke ea o ka ʻāina i
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,445
 The Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too muchThe Hawaiian might just love this place a little bit too much
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This might not be what you want to hear but I think violence is normal. Me and my brother grew up fighting every. single. day. And I'm talking about physical fights, not arguments. There was absolutely no stopping it, my mom couldn't do anything about it (plus she didn't believe in spanking). My dad would whoop our asses when he could but that didn't stop us either. But now that we're older we don't ever fight, it was just a kid thing I guess.

If it's important enough for you to slap your brother then you should do it. Give him one good konk on the head and see what happens. Personally, somebody wearing your shit or using your shit isn't grounds to hit them, you shouldn't even be mad about that shit, he's your brother. You should only fight him if he's disrespecting you (I assume you are the older?).

That reminds me my brother beat me up one time because I was wearing his shorts without asking. lol.

And don't listen to these clowns saying OMG violence is soooo wrong! It's not, it can be used for good purposes also, and I'm pretty sure you will both get over it when he grows up like we did.

edit: I read your reply to Kaizen, it sounds like you are being the immature one. If you don't care about the sweater then you are the one overreacting. Let him wear the damn sweater. You shouldn't be getting upset over it in the first place if you don't like the sweater. Why tell him not to do something if you don't care? Thats fakeness and formalities have no place between brothers. You should smoke him out more often, and try to be more of a teacher.
 

Last edited by The Hawaiian; 11-14-2008 at 07:14 PM.
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Old 11-14-2008
 
#5
Australia Noise
Formerly Vangarde
Join Date: Aug 2006
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You should start wearing his clothes and using his stuff without asking.
 
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Old 11-14-2008
 
#6
No country specified. To select a country, go to User CP -> Edit Profile -> Country Deidara
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 Deidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatnessDeidara has ascended to greatness
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he doesn't exist in your mindset of him, and certainly doesn't view himself the way you do, and doesn't care, say what you want, either way it won't matter

you know how this is going to happen, in a few years, you'll cool down because you won't live together anymore and start talking, then blah blah blah, you're not capable of much else
 
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oh so many ways for me to show you how your dog has abandoned you
 

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Old 11-14-2008
 
#7
No country specified. To select a country, go to User CP -> Edit Profile -> Country Pizza
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 Pizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whorePizza is obviously a rep whore
Default

Kaizen's advice is very wise. You feel the way you do about your brother because you don't accept him, not the other way around. And even if you do things like be nice to him, that isn't going to fix your relationship because at heart you will never accept him unless you shift the paradigm under which you view him. I'm talking about a difficult, time intensive process where you come to understand your brother and his motivations in a different light.

To give you an example, my younger sister and I used to fight all the time. The day I left for college we hated each other's guts, and had a bad habit of doing things to sabotage our own relationship. But soon we were both living away from home, and we only saw each other for a few days every few months. She started growing up and calling me for advice on life, and I realized the positive contributions I could make to her. We started to make the most of the short time we had together, and now we are close to what one normally thinks of as ideal siblings.

Making little changes to patch your relationship is just that, a patch. It will blow out at some point and isn't a real fix. You don't have to move away to get lasting results, but it is an example of how something in your primary worldview has to be shaken up a good bit. This is your family, and you are stuck with them for the rest of your life - it is a good idea to put in whatever effort is necessary to live in harmony.
 

Last edited by Pizza; 11-14-2008 at 08:41 PM.
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Old 11-15-2008
 
#8
Orkney Islands H0teLVi0LeT
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 H0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too muchH0teLVi0LeT might just love this place a little bit too much
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---
 

Last edited by H0teLVi0LeT; 12-25-2008 at 07:11 PM.
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Old 11-15-2008
 
#9
United States rendamr
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Almost everyone's advice in this thread focuses on the problem being your viewpoint, and changing it. I believe this to be wrong. It is good advice, but not the best. Pizza's relationship with his sister became better because they were together less, not because of anything he personally did.

Try communicating more effectively, and make sure he responds and you understand how he feels. You seem to write off what he does as everything being immature.

Really though I can't give you any advice besides: communicate more affectively, and don't ask for advice on internet forums.

So yeah. Make sure he understands how you feel. Take some quiet time, and nail it down how you feel, and ask him how he feels. Make it a back and forth, give and take conversation. My only advice.
 
 

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