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Old 05-19-2007
 
#1
United States Ass Kicker
Joshua Jew
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,320
 Ass Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too much
Default Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Once again Blizzforums must be defended from the mass newb attacks. The announcement of Starcraft 2 has brought the nearly-dead, yet safe Blizzfroums back in the spotlight and must defend itself from the newbs that are now attracted to it like a moth is to a light. You are now part of that honorable army that must defend Blizzforums. Choose your name, weapons, skills, and reason for fighting.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Name: Ass Kicker
Weapons: Pistol and anything that goes boom
Skills: Explosives, aircraft, leadership
Reason for fighting: I hate newbs



Ass Kicker looked down at the group of men watching him from the platform he was on. Ready to give a speech he leaned forward on the podium he was on. "Welcome to the Blizzforums defence gentlemen. You have been selected due to your ability to use proper English and common sense. The enemy vastly outnumbers us but is weak. We must destroy them or be doomed to dealing with them posting the same damn question 20 times, posting retarded questions, or advertising. As a verteran of the past other three wars against the enemy I have been put in charge of leading you into victory. You have been equipped with the best weapondry available. There are other veterans and they shall help to for every man is needed to win the fight. Now get out there and fight to the last man!", said Ass Kicker. "Sir, yes sir!", the men replied. As the men walked out with high morale and ready to kick ass Ass kicker looked down and sighed at the thought of how many may not return. After defending Blizzforums for such a long time he had seen much death and destruction. Then he thought back to the previous fights. The fight to save Blizzforums before the crash until the newbs had crashed Blizzforums and the temporary Blizzforums had to be defended. As soon as the new Blizzforums was up and ready there was a mass evacuation into it and a bomb was set off killing all left in the temporary forum. Then the patrols to kill al newbs that survived and leaked into the new Blizzforums. The newbs were destroyed but Blizzforums was left nearly empty. Now with the announcement of Starcraft 2 there is a new hope for Blizzforums however the newbs would have to die. Ass Kicker picked up his equipment and stepped out side to see the newbs attacking the outer defence. "Time to kick some ass" he said.

Edit: Look what I found. Better look at it before it's deleted off of SC:L
 

Last edited by Ass Kicker; 05-23-2007 at 12:05 AM.
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Old 05-22-2007
 
#2
Australia Operational
En Taro Adun
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 371
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

/cowers in terror
 
 

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Old 05-22-2007
 
#3
United Kingdom Haggis Mcjackass
Formerly The Hitman
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,382
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

*kicks the tumbleweed*
 
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Old 05-22-2007
 
#4
United States Reservoir
In need of a Sanitarium
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 912
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Name: Reservoir
Weapons: A N00b-pwning shotgun, nailgun
Skills: lurking, tactical strikes, being a human sheild
Reason for fighting: believes n00bs can be changed into regular human beings. Has yet to prove otherwise.

Ass Kicker makes some long-ass speeches, Reservoir thought to himself. He looked at his newly-polished "Pwnernator" shotgun with thoughtful eyes. He had missed the previous wars, which meant the shotgun hadn't been used much. He was ready to use it, though, and awaited AK's orders.

 
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Old 05-22-2007
 
#5
United States Ass Kicker
Joshua Jew
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,320
 Ass Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too much
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haggis McJackass View Post
*kicks the tumbleweed*
You should see some of the other RPGs...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reservoir View Post
Ass Kicker makes some long-ass speeches,
All great generals made long-ass speeches...



Ass Kicker looked down from the wall and saw an never-ending sea of newbs. He could see groups of ROFL Copters and LOL Tanks. The newbs placed ladders against the walls and began to climb them. Ass Kicker stuck a stick of TNT to one of the ladders and kicker it over. It blew up the ladder and the idiotic newbs still on it and on the ground below it. Then a newb behind Ass Kicker siad "OMGz y u dus tht?" "Because people like you and him killed English" said Ass Kicker who then took out his pistol and shot the newb in the head. Then he heard the sound of a machine gun and jumped out of the way. Two lines of gun fire hit where he was. "A ROFL Copter" he thought. He grabbed his flare gun and shot up in the air and yelled "Over here!". The ROFL Copter saw and dived towards Ass Kicker. Ass Kicker grabbed onto the railing of the ROFL Copter without the newb pilot noticing. Ass Kicker then pulled himself into the cockpit. "hey u cant b hare!" screamed the newb. Ass Kicker punched him in the jaw and then kicked him out of the Copter. He grabbed the control and dived into the sea of newbs and fired a missle. Suddently a missle flew by Ass Kicker and he noticed three other ROFL Copters which finally figured out it was him. "So you want to fight huh?" said Ass Kicker with a grin. "Then I'll give you a fight."
 
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Old 05-23-2007
 
#6
United States UED Special Ops
BF Vet
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,775
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Heh, hope this RP survives, the last 3 were fun.

Name: UED Special Ops
Weapons: Heavy Minigun, acid gun, anti-noob sniper rifle
Skills: Expert weapons training, advanced tactical skills, UED Fleet Admiral
Reason for Fighting: To save his home, the SC2 Thread, from being overrun by uninformed noobs, while spairing the more informed ones

"Ahh, so it is time once again." UED though, listing to AKs speech. The defenders were once again outnumbered, like the last defenses. The noobs always had the numbers, but the defenders had the leadership and expert members on its side.
"Well, time to get ready..." UED said after the speech was over, slugging his minigun over his shoulder, and marching out toward the wall...
 
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Old 05-23-2007
 
#7
United States Ben
The Sartorialist
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 11,099
 Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...Ben would like to thank all of the little people...
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Defense of BF is still going on?

Oh man, I remember when we started this in the wake of the attempt to purchase BF by Xenon.
 
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Old 05-24-2007
 
#8
United States elcapjtk
Moon Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 7,602
 elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!elcapjtk is unstoppable!
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Name: elcapjtk
Weapons: ban-cannon, a wide variety of weaponry to be deployed with it, including the normal shells, dirty shells, nuclear shells, quantumn shells, and antimatter shells, deagles, sais (3)
Skills: being an Interweb god
Reason for fighting: It's my job kiddies.
 
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Old 05-26-2007
 
#9
Israel Xeo
The Shadow Poster!
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Name: Xeo
Weapons: common sense gun, newbie obliterator, shooter smilies(, ), and the time bomb!!(SC2 mothership), oh and of course pistol and sniper rifle...
Skills: Gun professionlism, charismatic skills perfection, an authorized newbie killer(as an administrator of another forum not to be mentioned here...)
reason for fighting: i hate spam....and accordingly i hate newbies that spam too...

Xeo listened to AK's speech and was very happy to start another defense war! he really liked to participate in the other wars even though he only participated in 1-2 of the fights..
"I'm going to like this" he said to himself, he remembered the scar that the n00b left in his eye from the last war it was so long ago..everyone still called Xeo in his old name - Xel'Naga Temple. he always thought it was kind of a sign...because since this scar he started to post more in the newbie forum for some strange reason, and become more efficient in obliterating OR welcoming newbies....nevertheless he always thought of the events to come! and thanked AK in his heart for opening this damn great war!

BF Forever! everyone shouted a couple of moments after AK finished his speech
this shout, Xeo thought, was the sign to start!

~Xeo
 
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Old 05-26-2007
 
#10
United States Reservoir
In need of a Sanitarium
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 912
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

"Whoa, AK's done already? Well, why didn't someone say so!!??" said Reservoir, with a cheerful, mischievous smirk. Grabbing some power armor, he leaped onto the top of the Great Wall that protected BF against the warmongering n00bs. This was his first true war, and what he saw gave him a big reality check.

"Dear...God..."

Thousands of noobs swarmed around, all marching - to their own drummer, no less - towards the Great Wall. Their chants of "lolz" and various l33t-sp34k garbage filled the air. Ashy clouds pulsed over the horizon, threatening to enclose the golden sunshine of the BF skies in a dark, n00b-ruled night. ROFL copters and LOL tanks made their mechanical ways towards the GW, chilling Ressy's blood cold.

Indeed, war would be hell. Ressy smiled coldly - for the n00bs, anyway.

Picking up a nearby Anti-Air N00b-vehicle Missle Launcher (AANVM), he aimed at a lone ROFL copter. However, as the copter began taking out other copters, he saw who was piloting - Damn, AK's gotten busy, Ressy thought. Aiming at a nearby group who intended to fire enough spam-posts at him to result in sever bannination, Ressy launched the missile, taking the time to note the smiley-face painted on the side of it.

After he happily watched as three went down with a single blow, he dropped the spend AANVM and slid down the wall. Yanking his "Pwninator" n00b-pwning shotgun off his back, he carefully aimed. As the sounds of those who pronounce "great" with an 8 filled his ears, he gladly began doling out the harshness. Several headshots later, however, it was apparent there were too many for even the Pwninator itself. A more...automatic weapon was need.

Hefting out his massive nailgun, he wondered aloud - "Just how many n00bs could be nailed to a wall if a n00b could be nailed at all?" But before the n00bs could begin to understand, he answered "Lets find out, kids!", and brought the massive, mini gun-esque weapon to bear.

 
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Old 05-26-2007
 
#11
United Kingdom Rokdar Ironvain
God is upon you.
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 243
 Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Name: Rokdar Ironvain
Weapons: M16A2 Assault Rifle
Skills: Advanced training in infantry tactics.
Reason for fighting: So fucking rediculously bored.

------------------------------------


Rokdar looked out across no-noob's land from the safety of a reinforced parapet. It was dark, like the night sky, riddled with craters and barbed-wire. If he strained his eyes, he could make out the age-old skeletons of soldiers and noobs who had fallen in the previous battles for Blizzforums.

The sky above was tainted by thick black smoke and gloomy clouds. On his face, Rokdar could feel the falling rain, and could hear it splashing over the grey helmets of his men that stood behind him, in the lower, more secure confines of the trench. The scene was a depressing one, and Rokdar knew it suited the theme.

Til now the noobs had been launching full out attacks on Blizzforum's frontal defences, exposing their flank to a devestating counter-attack martialed by Rokdar himself. In his company were 50,000 Blizzforums Regulars, hardened veterns of war, and loyal followers. Armed with .303 Lee Enfields, Mills Bombs and Lewis Guns, this army were of vintage appearence, but looks were decieving.

As the distant sound of artilery guns died down, Rokdar knew the time had come for the assault. He waited, eagerly, peering out still over no-noob's land, for the sound of a whistle which would signal the official end of the barrage. Within seconds, it came, and he knew it was time.

Turning to his men from atop the parapet, Rokdar raised a sabre and shouted. "Men, women fo Blizzforums! My brothers, sisters! Our friends are caught in the beleagured capital, are we to leave them to their fate?"

He was answered by the unified 'No!' from all of his men. Their roar of approval shook the loose dirty beneath his boots.

"Then, come with me! We'll take the war to them, on the points of bayonets!" He finished.

Turning towards the distant n00b battle line - an assortment of crude trenches and bunkers - Rokdar cut the air with his sword, initiating the charge. At once, thousands of his men climbed up the ramps and ladders of the trench, and poured into no-noob's land. Rokdar joined them, leading them at the head, his sword pointing skywards.

No-noob's land was a mere mile, the men would cross it in minutes with their maintained sprint. However, dspite a lengthly barrage, Rokdar realised the noobs were not about to be brushed aside. The noob's battleline lit up with bursts of fire and smoke - leaving a second's silence before bullets thudded into Rokdar's men. Men screamed, falling forwards and backwards- some were bold enough to carry on the charge, limping valiantly onwards.

The immediate ground ahead errupted with explosions. Damned mortars, Rokdar cursed in his mind, it seemed that his barrage had not knocked out the noob's artilery. Rokdar and his men continued their charge, stormed at with shot and shell, losing hundreds as the seconds passed.

It wasn't long however, til his line broke upon the noobs like water on rock. Reaching the parapet of a noob trench, Rokdar threw himself over a coil of barbed-wire and rolled into the trench. He was greeted by several noob conscripts, who tried to kill him with bad grammar and unforgiveable spelling mistakes. He cut them all down, one by one, using prose as his defence. As he dispatched his last attacker, he stood, drenched in their dark blood, and rejoiced in the intense sounds of battle that rattled around him.
 



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Old 05-26-2007
 
#12
United States Ass Kicker
Joshua Jew
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,320
 Ass Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too muchAss Kicker might just love this place a little bit too much
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Ass Kicker was about to attack the three ROFL Copters when they were shot down from someone on the ground. "So much for target practice..." thought Ass Kicker. Then Ass Kicker noticed a group of WTF Tanks on the ground. They were the main tanks of the first and second wars. However they were nearly wiped out and so replaced by the newer and sleeker LOL Tanks. Those that were left were refitted with extra armor and spikes. The originals newbs were still driving them and had a lot more experience than the LOL Tank drivers making them a lot more dangerous. " Finally a challenge" thought Ass Kicker. Ass Kicker went into a dive and shot at the WTF Tanks only to find out that the bullets bounced off and that newbs came out from the tanks and shot at him from the machine guns on the tops of the WTF Tanks. Ass Kicker went behind a tower on the wall and the newbs continued to fire. They eventually shot through the main supports of the tower as Ass Kicker had planned and the tower fell on the WTF Tanks. "They never learn" thought Ass Kicker with a smirk. Ass Kicker landed the ROFL Copter behind the wall and went to find the armory. "Follow me" Ass Kicker said to two soliders. "We're going to bring out the big guns" Ass Kicker told them and they ran towards the armory.




Some info:

ROFL Copters: Main unit of the newb air force. Extremely stupid and easy to trick but are in huge number. The only ones that pose a challenge are the Ace fighters.
Aces: The top ROFL Copter pilots. They have been fighting since the first war. Their ROFL Copters are black with thick armor, spikes, and have tinted bullet-proof glass. Very clever and have very good killing and piloting skills. They have been known to best some of the best BF pilots. Attack with caution!
LOL Tank: Main Tank of the newb army. Very stupid and easy to kill but huge in numbers.
WTF Tanks: The top tanks. They have been fighting since the first war. Their tanks are black with thick armor, spikes, and have an added top machine gun. Very clever and very good killing skills (However those in charge of the machine gun are stupid...). They have been known to best some of the best BF soliders. Attack with caution!

More to be added later.
 
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Old 05-27-2007
 
#13
United States UED Special Ops
BF Vet
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,775
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

The siege of BF had begun, and millions of noobs stood before the walls. UED, a veteran of the last three Noob Wars, looked down at the endless sea of noobs and sighed.
"Well, time to bring it too em."
As the guns from both sides roared, UED calmly walked over to a nearby ammo station, and grabbed a jet pack that was lying nearby. Strapping it on, he primed his mini-gun, which had limitless ammo, of course, and took off for the skies.

Hovering over the outer walls, UED saw that the noobs were trying to rush the front gates, and the defensive lines were weakening, but that would soon change. With his mini-gun fully primed, UED unleashed a storm of bullets down on the advancing noobs, as he slowly descended down to the front of the outer gate defense.
"UED, thank you for coming. We were nearly overrun." the commander of the defensive line said as UED landed.
"Heh, thank you. Now, give me some cover. I'm going noob hunting." UED responded.
"Sir, yes sir." the commander answered.

As the next wave of noobs approached, the gate defenders let loose a wave of gun fire, as UED leaped outward, into the heart of the noob swarm, firing off hundreds of rounds into the stunned noob grunts.
"Hah ha ha, now the fun begins!" UED said to himself, unleashing Hell upon all noobs in his path. However, just as the noob wave began to fall back, a WTF Tank rolled into view, and began to head right toward UED.
"... Crap." UED said.
 
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Old 05-27-2007
 
#14
United States Fenix
Our Strength is Eternal
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,122
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Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Name: Fenix
Weapons: Dragoon Exoskeleton
Skills: Anti Air Attack, Splash Damage
Reason for Fighting: "My Life for BF!"


Fenix skillfully fired his cannons at the Tank, blowing it to pieces.

"BOOYA MOTHERFUCKERS!"
 
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Old 05-27-2007
 
#15
United Kingdom Rokdar Ironvain
God is upon you.
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 243
 Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!Rokdar Ironvain is dominating!
Default Re: Defence of Blizzforums: Part 4

Rokdar found himself amdist a furious melee, as noob reinforcements joined the battle. His men had taken large parts of the noobs' trench network in their charge, but had been halted from advancing further by a determined counter-attack. Noobs poured down over Rokdar's men, stabbing, clawing and biting. Those who were not engaged, fired volleys of bullets into the intimidating lines of noobs, who walked shoulder to shoulder, towards Rokdar's gains.

Rokdar was tasked with defending himself, as well as cordinating the attack. Slicing through a number of noob conscripts with his sword, Rokdar called out to a handfull of his men that stood around him.

"Come on boys! Drive them from this blasted trench!" He roared.

The men were inspired by his words, and together, with Rokdar amidst their ranks, they chased out all the immeditate enemy forces from the trench. This achieved, they lined the trench with rifles, aiming towards the noobs' reserve trench from which their counter-attack poured. Leaving them to hold the line, Rokdar sprinted off down the trench to assume command of other areas of the defence.


--------------

Rokdar's Losses: 11,324

Noobs' losses: 34,543
 



Holding the line since 1989
 

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