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Works-In-Progress Help for any authors or musicians seeking constructive criticism.

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Old 10-22-2008
 
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Canada Canuck_Writer
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4
 Canuck_Writer is an unknown quantity at this point
Default A quick poem

The place of St. Thomas
Is where I promise
To listen to their stories
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

I arrive at home
My face filled with gloom
Feeling spins as I stare at the room
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

My life’s a mess
Full of distress
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

The place of St. Thomas
Is where I promise
To listen to their stories
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

I arrive at home
My eyes are hollow
I raise the glass to swallow
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

My life is obscure
I try and endure
I hold this brochure
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

The place of St. Thomas
Is where I promise
To listen to their stories
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

I arrive at home
The room is dark
I lay unaware
Asking for a prayer
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

They say I’m near the end
No longer will I pretend
My only cure
Scrunched on the floor, this brochure
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

The place of St. Thomas
Is where I promise
To listen to their stories
Hoping to see tomorrow’s glories

My life is good
My problem understood
No longer do I booze to snooze
Nor confuse or abuse
Sober since October
Seeing tomorrow’s glories

Now the place of St. Thomas
Is where I promise
To tell my story
Hoping they’ll see tomorrow’s glory


Just jotted this down quick. Obviously needs some work, some shit does not seem to flow perfectly yet but I am working on it. What you think?

 
 

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