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Works-In-Progress Help for any authors or musicians seeking constructive criticism.

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Old 09-06-2008
 
#1
No country specified. To select a country, go to User CP -> Edit Profile -> Country Magmaniac
Chaos Incarnate
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 220
 Magmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too long
Default Some poetry

-Melting-
Tear my skin off, it's not real.
Just grab it and start to peel.
Shred me until I cannot feel
because my face is melting.

Bend my fingernails all back,
and burn my skin until it's black,
because my bones are crying out,
because my face is melting.

Slay me, spill my mudded blood,
because my mind is burning down,
because my bones are crying out,
because my face is melting.

Release my innards from this cage.
Release me in a fit of rage.
Because my mind, my bones, my face
are melting to keep up the pace.
-------------------------------------



-Paint-

Once upon a time
there was a painter, who lived downtown
in a cramped little apartment with his
wife Mary of seven years and his parakeet.
It was hard
finding work as a painter in a city full
of painters, but he made due and got his
bills paid, sometimes even on time and
that gave him hope.
He had been
working on his masterpiece painting since
he started painting back in high school,
but he hadn't touched it in a while, he was
afraid of making a mistake and had to think
about what was perfect for the painting
He worked
at a studio as a day job, his wife worked
nights at a gas station and on weekends
sometimes the neighbor Ernie would come over
and the three of them would
play cards.

One day,
there was a shooting at the painter's
workplace, so he got to go home early
and when he came home he saw Mary
laying on the floor moaning in ecstasy
like she never had for him as Ernie's
condomless penis jackhammered away
at her vagina and at that moment he
realized

that he had been using the wrong paint the whole time.


---------------------------------

-Why-

In the beautiful silence
of the water falling
through my fingers and hair
I can finally have a second for myself.
too bad the plumbing is all fucked up,
and the water is falling out like a weak piss,
and any second now I know that asshole is
going to knock on the door and
Tell me what time it is
and stab my peace
and I would scream it at the sky all night
if there was a god

-------------------------------------------




What do you think?
 
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Insatiable as the flame, I glow and consume myself.

Come stare into the abyss with me.
 

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Old 09-13-2008
 
#2
No country specified. To select a country, go to User CP -> Edit Profile -> Country Magmaniac
Chaos Incarnate
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 220
 Magmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too longMagmaniac has been here far, far too long
Default

No responses, cool.

Wrote a new poem.


-Shiva-

They always said the light would illuminate,
and now it flows a river of death.
I have found you,
bound by the limits of your mind.
Through the fire on the hill,
I watch you.
The tortured trees, in their dying days
are even grasping.
Talons of a bird who in it's anguish
drove itself beneath the earth.
Do not fear,
there are no creepers in the dark.
There are no more needles full of
bullets in your past.
The gravestones are screaming,
Forever.
But I have found my
lens.
 
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Old 09-14-2008
 
#3
Netherlands LXM
Artist
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,242
 LXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too muchLXM might just love this place a little bit too much
Default

I_liked_"Paint"_untill_the_last_part_lol
 
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