Guardians - Pre Book II - The Darkness of the Universe

Xeo · 04:10 AM

Hey guys,

Last year I wrote a Pre Guradian Book if you never read it you should go here before reading this thread, i hope my writing skills have improved since then

Chapter I - The Beginning of Light

Past, present and future. These are the essences of Power.
Know your Past, live your present and determine your future.
But not all beings use power in neutrality.
There are two main sides of power in the universe - Dark and Light, Bad and Good.

Taliking never thought he would come to a day when he will have to choose sides.
he still didn't know that he could only exist on one side - light....

Alone...he was flying in space...alone..
Hundreds of years passed since his Creation by his father's wish.
and still...alone.
Even though he already had his Guardian friends which he created by dividing his Guardian essence and giving it to 7 other beings from the known universe, he still felt very much alone.
In a flash and teleportation spell, Clocker, one of the guardians apperead by his side.
"Taliking, we have problems in the southern galaxy of Telamor"
with a grin on his face talkinig thought that it must be Dameron again " Let's go find the trouble maker" he said. Clocker Smiled, "Let's Go! it's Kick ass time!"

To Be Continued...

~Xeo

Carnage · 05:56 PM

Okie dokie. I'll start with how I would've written it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnage

The essences of power; past, present, and future.
One must know their past to live their present to determine their future.
The path of Neutrality is tread by few.
Only two powers, reflections of one another, govern the universe.
Darkness conjures evil deeds, spreads hatred of others, and brings death.
Light inspires good will, teaches compassion for others, and promotes life.

Taliking never chose sides. Although it would've been his choice, Light remained unknown to him.

Space travel is, in itself, a solitary existence.
A century has passed since his Father created him.
His loneliness has not subsided.
He sired seven beings across the cosmos; Guardians, spawned by his essence.
None of this curtailed his solitude.
One of the seven Guardians, Clocker, manifested at his side. A luminescent teleportaion spell marked his arrival.
"There is trouble," Clocker spoke grimly. "In the southern galaxy of Telamor."
"Dameron." Taliking grinned.
A smile crept across Clocker's face.

Loneliness, solitude, solitary. These are better ideas than saying Alone 3 times. =\

With as much love as I can say this, your dialogue made me cringe.
"It's kick ass time!" Sounds like a catch phrase from a cheesy cartoon, man.

Xeo · 06-20-2008

sorry for grammer andthe loss of variety in words.. even though I speak a lot of english it's not my main language so there are a lot of words I don't know.

I'll try to confront it the next time I'll write a chapter it doesn't change my storyline.

Thanks for feedback

~Xeo

Carnage · 06-21-2008

s'rite. I like it so far. I'll be back to read more.

Xeo · 06-21-2008

Chapter II

Both Guardians Teleported to the southern galaxy of Telamor.
The Guardians' power is marked by their peculiar ring of power appearing on the ground.
Both rings appeared in the midst of "Waria", a city on the planet Dawn.
aware to the fact that people might see them, they become sightless to beings other than themselves.

The planet Dawn inhabited creatures whom resemble Human figure with slight differences:
- Emerald green eyes or crystal blue eyes were the only colors.
- Pointed ears.
- Psychic Powers.

"we need to terminate Dameron once and for all, even though we have fun with the petty dawnling..." clocker said with a grin.
"don't forget why we have to deal with him so much, it's because of his extreme psychic powers" Said a disturbed Taliking. Guradians protect the universe from events that can't be dealt with by the galaxies inhabitants. Each guardian has its own territory.

To be continued...(have to go continue later this chapter is not yet finished)

~Xeo

Veltras · 06-21-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xeo

sorry for grammer andthe loss of variety in words.. even though I speak a lot of english it's not my main language so there are a lot of words I don't know.

I'll try to confront it the next time I'll write a chapter it doesn't change my storyline.

Thanks for feedback

~Xeo

If you want to have a broader vocabulary try using the Thesaurus on encarta.

here's the address:

dictionary.msn.com